Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Sometimes... make it anytime.

how many best friends out there who actually have feelings for one another? how many boyfriend who had fallen for his girlfriend best friend? how many married couples out there that actually love another when they married? how many people out there who are with one other but love another?

don't these all just make it sound ridiculous?

and yet it happen. one doesn't realize that that best friend had been loving herself or himself all this time, how else did they get along so well? boyfriends fell for the girlfriend's best friend, cliche and cruel but so happen! forced to marry some other when your heart held another, the life of a poor girl story. and yes just so many other situation.

we might not realize who actually love us and sometimes also we do not realize who we actually love. they say love is complicated, isn't it?

and sometimes, when a best friend relationship is too good, people wonder have we fallen in love. sometimes it is, sometimes it's just the perfect chemistry. or sometimes they simply know they have to keep it at being best friend as there's something stopping them to fall in love with each other.

well, it seem sometimes this bizarre love situation occurs......wait a sec, make it anytime :)

Aeris ER.
a scandalous picture

Monday, December 30, 2013

An Insight of Medical Student

one watch in awe of the medical students so diligently doing ward rounds even at the odd hour. I've seen them this morning and they come at night too!? they said. so the students went around clerking, documenting the patients history, checking their physicals while eyeing up procedures.

one student was taking a patients blood for culture one night, scooping up all courage as it's been a month's time since. for the concern of the father towards his son the student let him watch. another try to engage the patient in a conversation to relax him.

as the student carefully finds his vein and prepared to take the blood, the mother arrive. her eagles eyes zoom in and had to comment loudly how the doctor hands shook. the student deafened her ears in hope she only have to this once. nobody wants to hurt the patient any more than they had to. so slowly, the student noted the most prominent vein and proceed to take his blood, forcing blood to come out in that one single syringe.

the procedure was successful. the hands were still shaking as the blood were into the respectful bottles. the mother again had to comment on how the hands were still shaking. then she said to the other students everything have been asked go and read the file. so the two students quickly scurried away after thanking the patient and wishing him good night.

they did the procedure as to let the patient experienced minimal pain. she only had to puncture the vein once and no repeating error was done. she asked about the patient well being and was told to go and read the file. only students and sometimes housemen get to ask patient thorough-ly and these are important to determine the patients problem. they come to hospitals and yet when doctors or medical students comes they get mad and angry.

and here the medical students wondered why do they want to take these jobs that give out their all for the patients and still get yell at. why? why? why? they still wonders. maybe one day, they'll stop wonder and stop from taking this honorable life.

Aeris ER.
on bed.
documenting a made-up story :(

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Maybe Someday

i found this wonderful words hanging on the wall at surgical clinic at Sultan Haji Ahmad Shah Hospital, and it was completely pointing at me while i was reading it

Maybe someday
you'll start living every day true to the best that is within you and seriously pursue your most treasured dreams.

Maybe someday
you'll stop holding back and live the richness of every moment and show the world who you really are.

Maybe someday
you'll explore the best of those possibilities that you know in your heart are there.

Maybe someday
you'll see how truly beautiful life can be and understand that nothing can hold you back.

Maybe someday
you'll wake up, see how useless most of your worries have been and stop letting others hold you back.

Maybe someday
you'll decide that your life cannot wait any longer and you'll wonder why you ever waited so long to start living.

Maybe someday you'll decide to go for it.

Maybe someday is coming.

Maybe someday will be sooner than you think.

Maybe someday is here.

Maybe someday is today!

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Being Crazy to Lure Your Soul

ever felt as if your soul has gone somewhere
and it's refusing to come back to your body?

your body's so empty inside soul-less
you feel like you want to just lie down and never get up

you need to do something real crazy quick
to lure your soul to come back to your body

need to prove that this is it's best chance
and it better come back fast

so you go all crazy and went shopping without thinking
as when you're soul-less, you don't think normally

and when your soul returned
you realized finally with your brain intact

that you've just SPEND A LOT AND YOU'RE NOW BROKE!

so i went for a walk and look what ended up in my handbag.

nope. not the mickey mouse. he's been with me since forever.
till today i don't understand how that mustache 
purse got into my handbag. i was influence by my cousin!
she's the one with mustache thingy....

it's a ring!!
can u guys see the dove?

and here another birdie!
i thought it looked quite vintage, and they
can join my other exotic earrings collection

Aeris ER.
on K.Ecah bed
sometime at night

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Tick Tock Make A Choice

i scroll down his twitter page
like i usually do
my hand always itching to reply
to let him know i'm here

i don't understand what happen to our relationship
we had good and fun conversation
and i miss those so damn much

and then i think
maybe if i we can just resume our relationship
even if it's just friends

so i take a step
i can't believe i take it!
my heart is pumping...

and then i paused

should i?
or should i not?

i don't want to risk you knowing
knowing how much you hurt me

i don't want to give you that satisfaction
or even the knowledge of it

so i walk back
and erase the path

Aeris ER.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

You never know when the monster will appear!

the sky is blue
and the wind is blowing softly
birds are singing
while the trees dance to the music

i woke up
with a hope of a new day
to smile and soar above

but i'm fragile
i get mad easily
and once u touch that part of me
i'm a monster the whole day

i'm nice, if you're nice to me
i'm fun, if i find u fun to hang with
i'm talkative, if i find u my friend
i'm caring, if you're worth it

but then
if you made me mad, i'll be a monster
i'll be so quiet you won't hear my voice
and once the volcano erupt
you'll wish you only knew my nice part

Aeris ER.
mumbling me

Friday, October 4, 2013

Crazy Outing

the day starts with a stressful event
real stressful i can feel the migraine coming
like the strike of lightning
before a heavy rain

as i think of what to do back in room
a novel caught my eye
and it became interesting
that i finished it within about 3 hours

my CJ7 accompanying me reading

Dila text asking if i'm free
she said about eating cake this evening
the thought of when's her birthday suddenly arise in my brain
as i open facebook and saw the notification!

so with Dila and Wanie
had an early dinner at Secret Recipe
plus did some crazy shopping
when two of us has a meeting

by the way, Happy Birthday Dila!

yeah, i like craziness in life
they are the people that i can be along with
aside from that, i don't really find it fun meeting people
which is weird considering i have to see patients every single day

anyway the story of that fling came out
as we listen to Anuar Zain's
wonder what he's doing now?

Aeris ER.
sitting on my bed. backache!

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Marriage Maybe?

this one conversation with my awesomeness about marriage where we both agree that with marriage comes with various responsibilities or simpler, problems ahead!!! as with a mother in law annndddd, well the rest is history....

so we were talking about marriage, and he said he'll let his younger brother marry first, cause he wants to do many other things first, or maybe ...

he: or maybe we can do as Aunt Venice said

me: yeah,, the one even her mother wouldn't let her finish talking
(our Aunt Venice said if by 35 she's not married she never wants to get married. but she'll have a child. so her mom ask well, why? you won't even know the child's father, to which she replied, "well, that could be arranged..." ) basically aunt Venice mom was saying by adoption u won't know the daddy, but when she said the last sentence, well, think naughty!!!

he: we don't have to get married. we'll just have one child each. me a daughter and you a son. and my daughter will have your name

that was seriously unexpected. i mean, my name for his daughter? i know he once told he wants this one name for his daughter, which is already near my name, but hearing this, it was all i can do not to be 'awww..... that's very sweet and i couldn't have love you better' which of course i did not do.

i point out another topic and move on to hide the embarrassment and happiness dwelling inside :)

i hope we'll always be besties :)

Aeris ER.
Zenith 15th floor corridor

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

My Awesomeness

if you are thinking i'm in the sky over myself, do stop your mind right now
here i want to clarify, i am not saying that i'm awesome
*but if i am.. well that's awesome!*
anyway my awesomeness, it's a person
someone who has always been by my side

he's someone who's existence and well being is often cared of
and sadly, it doesn't mean in the good way of care
he's someone different, not weird different but different from us 'boring normal people'
i'd say unique but actually he's a strong rebel and bold
that create his character as noticeable from others and being watch closely

we all made mistake and had made some rash decision
sometimes people noticed but as time goes they eventually forget
one best situation is that nobody realize at all
then we go on and live our happy life
and pray no living soul knows our dark secret

the sad part comes, my awesomeness situation seems like nothing above
may be his own fault with all the not right decisions he took
his rebellion and hard headed character
well, people criticize and put all blame on him
and how he's affected by all these is what i cared most

he tried his best but people expect more
he feels lonely and sad but only shows it to certain people
at times he feels so low he's going to start babbling how everyone hates him
and then i have to use all the words exist to jumble up some long message
to tell him that the world is indeed harsh but i'm here for him, always

but then know why i call him my awesomeness?
despite all the hardships given, he appears and talk confidently
he have this ability to make everything he said seems the truth, it's like brainwashing sometimes
when he talks people listen and tend to agree to everything he says
kids adore and respect him
when he tells some story that kids always love, they'll look at him like a hero
he'll make it so dramatic and then end it with his special line
this line that will always make me smile

Aeris ER
Miss Awesome
Near midnight

Monday, July 29, 2013

I wished i told her

I found this story on a blog called eternal sunshine. Anyway, it's not mine, and i think this is so sad.

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called 'best friend'. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said thanks and give me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As i sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said thanks and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her but I'm just to shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick," she said, "he;s not going to be well." I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as 'best friends'. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't thinking of me like that, and i know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her but I'm just to shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and i know it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as i hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her but I'm just to shy, and I don't know why.

A few years later
Now i sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and i knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said, "you came!" She said thanks and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her but I'm just to shy, and I don't know why.

Years passed, i looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my best friend. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read:

I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and i know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that i don't want to be just friends. I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!

'I wish i did too...' I thought to myself, and i cried.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

60 seconds

music in my head
Kim Sung Gyu - 60 seconds

sometimes when i think of him
it amazes me of how easy life seems to be after i let him go
and i realize my feelings were no longer with him a long time ago
it was just me, reluctant to let him go

my heart couldn't bear to give up all the moments
it was the memory of us that kept me holding on
i can't imagine another story like us
but then i didn't like the end either

you were there then
but you didn't stay
at times i think back of you
but i'll tucked u back in a box

i am moving on
so promise me that when we meet again
you won't bring up our story
and maybe pretend it had never occur

because i don't think i can even face you at all...

Aeris ER.
just a 60 second thinking of memory

Friday, June 14, 2013

A story of them

a group of 11 people starts off not quite knowing each other, having no idea what they were doing talking about clinical symptoms and the disease, not wanting anything more than the end of the boring discussion.

their boredom flew once a camera appears

however, after 2 years, with awesome doctors giving insights on how to actually conduct the beautiful sessions, teaching them to learn and benefit to the full from this session by getting a feel of being in a hospital later, they became to actually enjoy the sessions and the thought of finally ending the long and bored sessions somehow made them feel sad.

*no image here, too busy holding tears and sobs, hehehe*

it seems that the moments they spent together aren't enough yet and they were only getting to know each other.

just look at their faces

yes, they are a family with different personalities

but their journey is still far ahead, and they have to move together even if in a different route.

the absolute thing is, their mission is the same! that one final destination, where they will all be able to finally own their title!

for all the Doctors to-be

for them who end up loving each other. ganbatte kudasai PBL group 1. they will always be No. 1!

they will make it!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Love and Rain~

Finally, the rain drops stop, and i looked outside the window to made sure. It feels so suffocating, after so long being inside, closed and trapped, that once the rain stop, i rush to open the door and step outside. 

The first thing i noticed was the rain droplets on the bright green grass, looking so much like the pearls that twinkle in vain. I heard the birds singing chirpily, finally able to return to their family after being stranded while waiting for the rain. I watch as two squirrels quarried along quickly on the lawn towards the big oak tree. I saw the granny that live across the road opened the window with a smile of finally able to breathe fresh air. 

My heart quelled and i smiled. I can finally feel the freedom i long dream of ever since knowing him that is now my past. I ran to the lawn and twirled around on the grass bare feet. I have never felt so much life inside of me. It was as if i have just arrive to this wonderful world. I look up and i gasped at what i saw. It was the most beautiful rainbow ever! It's color so vibrant, as if celebrating the happiness contained inside me. 

A bird of magnificent combination of color ever was flying in circle, trying to run away from a blue bird that probably just wanted a play-mate. The clouds were as fluffy as marshmallow that i lie down on the wet grass to stare at them, and i saw so many things in them. At the left side there was a unicorn and a dolphin, looking at each other. Quite far to the right was an elephant standing on a giant ball perhaps, like in the circus. 

I noticed a penguin maybe just right there when i heard someone call my name. I got up and turn to the road and saw a handsome stranger. You were there just smiling at me and i felt as if everything has just been perfected. Your voice was like an enchanted music that made me want to hear it all the time. I was interested yet i was being careful. Then from inside my house somebody called, telling it's time to go in. Being me, even though i wanted to wait for you to come and sit with me on the grass, i went in, unwillingly.

I just step through the door but all i can think off was you. I wanted to rush out back while you were there but i couldn't. As i walk deeper into the house, i know I've left my heart with you and i should have at least ask your name.

I walk out from the house, through a different door, but i know you are not there anymore. I'm missing you. I think of your smile and imagine your voice every day. Where are you?

Sunday, May 12, 2013

A sad morning

i just finished reading a short story. during family day in PD the wife found the husband with his cousin together on the floor, misunderstood and didn't believe that it was an accident that they trip over each other. she was mad and at home she keeps herself away from the husband. the husband's a pilot, and this time she didn't send him to the airport. the day he was suppose to arrive back, the cousin call to tell her that her husband had an accident. she didn't believe, thinking it was some plot to coax her. and after midnight early morning her mother in-law called to tell her he's dead.

at that point i screamed with stress. it was the second story i read tonight that there's someone dies after accident.

anyway after settled the funerals and all, she went back with her mother in-law, she entered her husband room before marrying her. there was a small section with her photos with words of 'i love u' and 'i think my i like my bro in-law sis already'. she was actually his brother in-law sister, both the brother and sister tried to match make them, and left a will for them to marry when they died in car accident.

and the cousin who was found in that inconvenient situation at the family day came in and told her that her husband really loves her from their first meeting. the cousin was not satisfied that she didn't trust her husband, that it was an accident. then she pass her her husband hand-phone  in the message box, an unfinished message, probably just before the accident, wrote, "Dear.. wait for me.. I lo........"

and i really cried. well, it's not right for her to not believe her husband and treat her husband coldly after that. and then it was the last time she saw him. and even when the cousin called telling about the accident she didn't believe it still. basically, being a wife, you can't be to easy to get envy, and you have to believe your husband, even if it's hard, seriously! okay, maybe at least hear him out first.

and that leads me, what happens if i'm the wife. how would i react when i'm face with that situation? the exact same? and will i be strong knowing i can't apologize ever? guess i'm not ready yet to get married. ha-ha.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Read it again, May i?

So it's now May and me, somehow in the library was lured by a mysterious call to go to the room filled with some novels. I've read almost all Judith McNaught's but i love each and every one of them. Somehow i can't quite remember how the story goes in Double Standard and i pick it up, trying to fill the time before rushing to Dr. Emad's lecture.

being Miss Romance Addicted, i was falling into the story again, being reluctant to left the book realizing that i need to move to get in time for the lecture, i decided to borrowed it.

and i finished it before midnight as i had lecture in the evening and some shopping spree. and i love how i completely love this story again. let's just say almost anything by Judith's is in my genre.

i sure remember that my wish once was that when i grew up and i finally had my little own vintage library set up, i'm gonna buy all Judith's novels!

p/s: i think it was 'Once and Always' that i first read Judith's~ hmmm....
me sitting like Winnie The Pooh holding my head saying think, think, think!

Its Aprilynne Month!

It's April and the novels i happen to read this month happen to be written by an author with also the name April. Nice! The series goes like this: Wings, Spells, Wild and finally Destined. So i had the second and third book of a series by this author Aprilynne Pike. Naturally, i bought the book because the cover was charming and it's about fairies ! So i start to read the second book, Spells some time last year but only in April this year did i finally start to run in the race and finally finished it.

now that i'm done with Spells, i'm into the story and quickly pick up the third, Wild.

and amazingly, with some hope in the absence of my mind, i found the first book, Wing accidently at the Big Bad Wolf bookfair before i even end Wild. 

being me, i like to search about the author and find out more about the series or perhaps other interesting stories. imagine my surprised when i found out that there is another fourth one, while i still haven't finish Wild yet. and yes, the sadness of knowing the story won't end yet materialized.

i guess it's destined that i'm forever stuck to buying series and later on having that usual frustration when knowing when i reach the end of book the story has not ended. reminded me when i read Hunger Games. i stayed up in front of the toilet on the floor to get light till three in the morning only to reach the end knowing it wasn't the end. i loves series. only when i have the next in line, in my hand right after i close the book.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Avant Garde Grand Dinner 2.0

in my eye and mind i was Morgana in the series Merlin
in others eye i'm a princess as what almost others are
this is the conflict when you need to dress up like a tv character
and being modest, i can't really be
that sexy and beautiful Katie McGrath that plays Morgana....

but i had fun with the foods
which only proves i'm a food maniac
foods image will be added when i get a hand of them
meanwhile, behold, the AVANT GARDIANS!!

Finally i manage to wake up from laziness and got the piccies already. so here goes. i'll just continue as i am so lazy to edit anything above :)

the arrival
spotted a masquerade, kimono and Rosalinda :)

Vendetta is here
with his followers!!!

 the witch had dropped by

seems that red riding hood came to had a meal

well, that's the best actor chosen
we have two harimau malaya fans on the left :)

Mary Poppins and Dr House

these are veges, good for your health!

fruits. again, very good for a healthy conscious person!
*nope, i'm searching for something else*

bread pudding and strawberries!
i'm having the best of my time :)

Le roommates ^^

Monday, April 15, 2013

Moving through the phase: letting go

somehow finally talk to a person
whom i really want to talk to
about this someone
who's in my heart for a long time now

maybe all this time
it was wrong for me to keep it all in
and make my heart ache for no reason
instead of letting it all out

i realize this is another step
for me to really let go
and i feel a little sad
that it's actually going to end... soon

should i put your card in the dustbin?
or keep it in my memory box?

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Friday Night Blues

it's already Saturday
since i haven't sleep let's assume
it's Friday

life have gone better
with still the ever scary merry
1st ProExam staring at my face

letting go of the past
staring at the future
feeling the present

life does have it's up and down
it's us who keep looking up
and never forget there's something down

even when i realize that bigger things are waiting
at least i can smile now
thanking for this exact moment

the ever magnificent gift God gaved
this life and all that it brings
a chance to see the world He created

i guess the simple thing is that
forget what is to forget
and embrace that is to embrace

let's prepare for another good day
a perfect life
tomorrow :)

Monday, March 11, 2013

The Epilogue

I can finally look
and stare
while smiling
and really meant it :)

Aeris ER.

and i'm loving this new freedom^^

Friday, March 1, 2013

Beautiful sunshine!

the sky looks so blue
with cute fluffy clouds here and there
the wind blows, giving my hair a nice breeze
the sun shining through the cloud, giving life to the earth
trees and flowers dancing
to the glee of such shine
in a corner, a squirrel scurried quickly
looking for an acorn maybe for its breakfast
i look around and felt that everything is just perfect and beautiful
i can feel my spirit surge up
and i know it

yeah! i can't wait to start my life again!
yosh!!! :)

Aeris ER.
Physiology lecture

This time, it's real.

i think
the time has come
where i won't feel sadness clutching my heart again
every time image crosses my mind

i feel
the moment is here
that i can finally go on
without holding on to that old piece of memory

i can hear
the surge of happiness flowing at high rush
for leaving behind a shadow long attached
finally i can leave it alone in the darkness

and surrounding me now, is the light

Aeris ER.
Anatomy lecture

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Simply Craziness that is Loved!

i smile staring
without him noticing

i watch him from behind
when he's looking in front

i laugh when he made a joke
as no one realizes

i search for him first
in a group picture

i read all his tweets
even not being a follower

i get jealous without any reason
because of him

i see him everywhere
when he's somewhere

i think of him
and he don't know it

i think this is craziness
but i love it

#randomly written :)

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

An Auspicious Reunion: February 16 and 17

awesome moments crafted at Janda Baik
even with only 9 of us
the joy of being together again is there

although 4 years has passed
we continue to be just like before
it's just how friends are

we resume joking with each others
playing prank among us
bring up the old nicknames
reminding old memories
not to forget whispering the latest gossip

it was really fun
and just being together with them
friends that knows the true you
the you who can be yourself
is really a moment worth everything!

Day 1
prologue: main event, jump into the river!

our rooms facing the beautiful river :)

the journey to the waterfall

the boys wanted a big waterfall that can fall on their head 
and this is what they get, LOL

ainaa who's not jumping in says hi!

a battle of the tallest stack of stones. 
notice nikmad behind there so lonely :(

and the winner is.....

waiting for bbq dinner

man, who are you texting with?

faiz and nabil 

nabil and nikmad

playing the ever adrenaline rush of truth or dare.. 
man and mus chose dare :)


    karaoke time!
mus who claimed to not know any malay songs ended singing
(or was it screaming?) 
"janganlah engkau khianati cinta ini!!!!!"

day 2
eating time! we have to line up, pick up our plate after eating, 
and the tables arrangement, 
so reminding us of the 'dewan makan' back in kp..

at the entrance of Hawa resort.
and where's the Adam? :)

my favorite picture of all. 
just CAN-NOT stop noticing 
the cheerful expression on everyone's face^^

only three siblings of homeroom 2..

while homeroom 1 came with six of us^^

the boys :)
nikmad's attempt to be the tallest..
 did he succeed?

us girls :)

behind our cute colorful cottages. 
the names of our rooms were buloh, nangka, manggis, 
sakai , sentul and can't recall the other one..

mus attempt to do a heart with his hand :)

i just love the arrangement :)
erissa, anis, farhana, and ainaa capturing the moment

oh yeah,, mission accomplished!!

epilogue: time to go back
anticipating the next awesome reunion!!