Thursday, May 1, 2014

Is my head right or just paranoid?

My head says he's playing me
My heart says he cares for me

My head says look how he treats you some times
My heart says he's busy, be understanding

My head says he's another liar
My heart says not all men are evil

My head says you said that before, look what happens
My heart says you are just paranoid

My head said they are all the same, humans!!
My heart says I'm human, too

My head is going to stay paranoid
and my heart is going to do all these stupid things

I know I've lost my trust in humanity long long ago
And my heart wants to believe there's still good in humans

Till then, when you don't know who to trust, pray to Allah and tell him everything in your sujud. Trust him. He'll always be there for you.

Aeris ER.
Reading G6PD, well trying to...

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Avant Garde Family Day 3.0

So here comes Family Day 3.0!!! Being a sport bureau member, i had to be on the committee to plan the games for dear friends to play every year before this. *Okay, even if it wasn't me who planned it, i still had work to do*

seeing ickle and Lardee on our family day banner
spiked up my spirit to the max to be there :)

Fortunately this year, i escaped and managed to play the games. Yayy! ^^
We were divided into red, blue, purple and orange. I was in blue! And, oh yeah, before i forgot, we had our awesome time at Balok beach.

having our morning walk at the beach :)

We first played a game where the all members of the groups needs to put their belongings in a line to create the longest caterpillar. *with the exception that you don't remove your shirt, pants and other appropriate clothing though* Shoes, spectacles, wallets, caps and whatever there were are lined up and those without spectacles squint their way and those without shoes hop away.

just shoes lining up to be caterpillar :)

Second game took place under the sunny rays at the beach. Dodge-ball time people! The boys had to stay in the square drawn on the beach and girls from other group fire away the balls. To make it more fun, while dodging the balls thee girls are so enthusiastically throwing, the boys had to name 10 things such as countries or simpulan bahasa. One of the group had to name things in the kitchen. Someone straight away said chicken, and then broccoli. Seriously, broccoli?? I thought i was rolling on the sand laughing.

throw that!! NOW!

dodge! dodge!

We then had a crossword about the people in our batch. It was nice, as it reminds us of the times of our early days and test whether we really know our batch-mates. One of it, our first 'bridegroom'. Not the really first real bridegroom but Umarul who act as bridegroom for their seminar presentation. Then some quotes of the person and class representative that i have long forgotten. How did they remembered all these?

"somewhere, somewhat.....whose quote is this?"
"Bander family name? Garrrghhh!!!!"

"first Avant Gardian who was admitted to the ward?"
sound familiar :)

Next was a search in the sand of weapons we need to use in the final game. We dig and dig but there was nothing. And we turn towards the committee saying how dare they trick us like this! There were weapons anyway, such as empty shampoo bottles, glass, and water guns!

"i use this hoe and i can still find nothing!"

Our final game, where we fill the weapons with green water that smell of pandan and we need to aim it at the people's tag behind them. Yup, so runningman :)

My group won the first place during the crossword so we had the smallest tag. During the war we also had to find red colored water in bottles everywhere at the beach and fill it in a big bottle located at our base. And on top of that we had to secure 3 piece of biscuit as our live. Yup, my group's were chipped because Sohaib put it in his tracksuit pocket and it chipped while he bend to fill the red water into the big bottle. Duh.

When the war start i ran in search of the red water everywhere. There were hidden underneath trees, tied high on the brances, under the huts roof and everywhere on the ground. I managed to survive till the end, and what satisfies me most was i manage to really shoot Naqib a lot and lotsa green pandan smell water!!! Heeeee~ ^^

orange group with their filled bottle
nope, not enough to win :p

hi there, just us lovely roommates :)

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Wedding of the Year ^^

Aisyah and Faizuddin, may Allah bless ur marriage
you guys are cool!

i don't know where the other foods are
entered the gastrointestinal tract already probably

just the Avant Gardians with the bride

my awesome roomates. Jannah hasn't arrive yet though :(

look who i met! it's Dell who ran away from UIA :p
miss you so much Dell! T_T

Friday, March 7, 2014

At the Intersection

i walked along an unpaved path
stones and pebbles drawing blood from my feet
branches and thorns slashing my skin

i try my best to keep on walking
despite the agony and pain i felt
i've been told that at the end of the path
there is a better place waiting
but suddenly i just can't take it anymore

in that big oak tree
there's a door appearing and disappearing
and through that door is the place i first start
where it would lead to the other path i once abandon

there were butterflies urging me to walk to this path
a lion was staying behind me, urging me to walk
and all the birds and squirrels pointed me to this path
this scary path

if i abandon this path and walk through that door
i'll be at the beginning again
but i would be walking the other path
the path they did not encourage me to walk
the path they said was not challenging
the path they didn't thought i could walk through

but just how the hell would they know?

i see stars twinkling on that other path
the moon smiling away
but the path is dark
and i'm not sure if i'll survive there
even though i like the sky above it

will i regret abandoning this path
this path i've walk on too long
without proving to people i can walk through
and will i ever be happy staying this path
despite the ruby's and diamond's somewhere along the path
if i can't even raise up my head to see the scenery
save for the stones, pebbles, and thorns?

Aeris ER.
Seminar room Melor 1, HoSHAS
sleepy zombie on the go
can't understand what doctor is saying

A Letter to my Hearties ^^

To my aisyah's
I'm not sure what kind of relationship we have, but i know we're going to be friends forever
Aisyah, we are the awesome online shoppers^^
Kak Ecah, a macrophage who eats people, why you so cengey? :p

To my anis's
Nael, you are always there for me, and you always know when it's not alright 
and you'll be there to listen and then scold me ;)! 
An, you are there to listen to me when i had my breakdown and you even cry with me? 
Seriously, you're awesome!

To my akma's
I've known you guys since standard 6
Akma, we never had any fight except that one misunderstanding and then, we're cool ;)
plus you are likely the only one who calls me a playgirl :p 
Akmar, you are the only one who sees me when i'm strong and weak, if you get what i meant ;)

To radin
You were there, and there
You are not always there, but you understand me when i love my first love :)
Plus you gave me an advise that i never thought i would remember

To my nuzul quran
You know when i'm not fine
You put up with me,
made me laugh again till i simply forget to get mad
And the scenes u draw always make me smile :)

To una
Without you, i can't imagine how my life at a boarding school would be
Please don't ever shout again if u need to borrow my iron :p

To nabilah, my so-called step mom
You know i have a story to tell when i come to your bed
Too bad you couldn't warn me that my scandal at that time would hurt me

To my dear roomates, dila and wanie
You guys saw me when i was most pathetic, sorry
Wanie, i miss our time crying together watching drama
Dila, for being there to listen to my pathetic-idiot-city
Risa Koizumi miss our times together :)

To sanah
Thanks babe for the food, the awesome gift, and most importantly for being there
We sure came a long way, remember our first birthday together?
we barely knew each other even though we were together every day :)

To my childhood sweetheart, nisya
Thanks for still being with me even though i'm such a witch sometimes ;)

Lastly, to that someone
I guess i broke that friendship rule, huh?
I can be myself, telling you anything. And i trust you
Perhaps i get too comfortable, and it's gonna be a great lost
if u decide to join a marathon someday :(

Aeris ER.
Km 119.1 East Coast Expressway
Kiss the rain on play

Sunday, February 16, 2014

When he walk away

A girl wearing a lovely red trench coat walk out from the hotel, a black Gucci handbag strap on her arm as her fingers busy typing something into her smart phone. She glance up, her lip neatly done with a bright red Chanel, her face pale, probably searching for something behind that Versace sun-glass.

A man walk towards her, giving a peck at her right cheek. She wasn't smiling, and it seems that she just stare at the man. The man starts to babble something as he tries to hold her hand. She quickly walk away, keeping her hands away from his grip. She starts to walk towards a limousine with the driver already waiting to open the door for her. The man walk with her and only look as she went inside the limousine. The driver close the door gently, get into the driver seat and drove away.

The man just stare at the limousine drove away, bringing the woman he love to the airport. Their story has reach it's end, and he's not trying to save it anymore.

He loves her, a lot, so much that he don't think he'll ever forget about her. But the amount of patience and energy he needed to make her stay with him, has now reach it's limit. They say let her go if she'll be happier that way, that you'll be happy watching her happy. He hopes so.

The man turn around and walk towards the direction he came, not realizing the limousine stop before the main road, and inside, the woman was watching him walk away, and tears streaked her pale face.

Aeris ER.
my garden room
obviously crazy and spinning

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Internal Medicine Post-mortem

I was relieved that i got a dengue case but at the same time i know i'm dead because i didn't read about infection. Only listened to what investigation to be done to confirm dengue, listed by Azi as i drive just that morning, shivering with fear of the deadly exam.

I got a great patient, very helpful and kind. And i think i got everything well for her history. Until Dr Nik Noon came. She took a patient's table and told me to find a chair. Doctor was already sitting and told me to sit down and take the other side of the table. She's so nice.

And then she got mad, haha. She said the way i present was so scattered and said "Tu la, kelas aku kau tak datang". And i'm here trying to calm down my palpitation and whisper in my heart, "saya datang la doktor T_T". Anyway, i still think doctor is very very kind. Sorry doctor for not reading such a common case. Okay, my fault, i admit.

Anyway, the atmosphere while waiting outside the ward, some waiting for short case, some already done, some looking for their examiners. There were too many reactions, crying, trying to hug and kiss the wall, banging their head, drop dead on the floor, heads between their knee and just standing there waiting, face grey with sorrow.

My short case wasn't any better. His liver was enlarged, and later found out he had pitting edema. And instead of liver pathology, he had nephrotic syndrome? This is so fun, plus the fact i forget the one thing to complete the triad.

At the end of the exam, they start to say, "Galak lagi nak blajaq medic!". Hahaha, that is like playing in everyone's mind. Each of us wants to finish this, and yet  the journey is so tiring and often gets too unbearable.

But at the end of the day, everyone still wants to get up and fight. We've started this war, and we are not going back until it's done. Hopefully.

ready or not....
i'm going to see kiddies after this ^^

After i left the gloomy exam day at the hospital, I rush to Taman Gelora to meet my family after went back and packed my stuff. My aunt just said i'm still blanked and not over the past exam mood yet, stating me couldn't even smile. I love my aunt, she can be a best friend beside being a mother :)

And my sweet friend Qistina, gave this song to me, Rescue by Yuna. Thank you Qistina, you always know there's something wrong whenever you hear weird noise from my compartment, hahaha.

She said a little prayer, she found herself.
Yeah she's got light in her face,
she don't need no rescuing she's okay.
Yeah, she's got life in her veins,
she don't need no rescuing she's okay.
No SOS needed, no rescuing, she's fine out there.

in my lonely room in Kulim
don't understand myself

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Latte and scones

the breezy wind is attempting to make my scarf fly
bees are buzzing around looking for flowers to suck on their sweetness
lovers are walking around holding each others hand smiling
guess it's a great day, and the weather is perfect

i make sure my scarf is still intact as i look around the cafe sipping my latte
my attention was captured by an elderly couple sitting near the entrance
they were smiling at each other, enjoying their tea with scones and cream and jam
i look at them and wonder how can they be so happy

they had a challenging life
their first born had a rare illness and only lived for 4 months
their second and third child killed by a murderer at a camp site
they've separated, because they can't stand to watch each other
and be reminded of their babies no longer there
the old lady is now fighting her life after being told she had cancer
yet now, they stay together, side by side, smiling

they look so happy
as if nothing bad had ever happen to them

they've cried, and they've mourned
and now they move on with their life
enjoy what's left of what they had
holding each others hand, smiling
because they still have each other

because a happy life
is like when having scones for tea (:

Aeris ER.
staff room, Pediatric ward, HTAA

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

That Complicated Relationship

"when we don't get what we want,
we search and wonder why we don't have it.
and when we have something,
we wonder why god gave us"

I have a 'friend' that i'm really close with. Some people expect us as a couple even though we are just some really close friend. Our relationship is something i seriously adore as i realized i won't have another relationship as such. *perhaps because we are bonded by blood?*

We don't text frequently as in every day but we can text each other at any time about anything. Like absolutely anything. When you get happy, excited, sad, mad or wanting to perform suicide, anytime, we can text each other about it, and we help each other to just forget, or laugh about it.

We can even talk about stupid things, or random things. Just things you wan't to share or laugh with. Just text each other, and we're good.

We talked about life a lot. How life is unfair to us, living in a life that has been planned by our parents and we are supposed to live it. How people around us act selfishly and we the kind people gets victimized. It's a cruel world out there. He fights or use them back, i have my migraines.

Anyway the think is, that made me think is complicated is that, i wonder if things between us will change one day when we each have the special someone. We  are so used to each other that i'm afraid i'll be worrying no one can understands him.

I get mad at him a lot! He just gets into trouble easily, not forgetting perhaps he may be creating some of it. He's just difficult for me to take sometimes, and whenever those times comes, i hide my phone under the pillow, so i won't curse and slash at him. Because seriously, sometimes, he just deserve it.

Even if i get mad at you a lot, burden you with ridiculous story of my life, where you'll wish you can just roll your eyes every time, you were always there to listen to anything i wanted to say, you will always get it what i want to tell and there might be no other person who can understand me as well as you. So even though you act like shit sometimes, i loves you, dearly and absolutely (:

Aeris ER.
finishing some moment drafted
Maimunah musolla

My Bugsy^^

when almost everybody left the house and went to the lake to canoe
and i'm at home refusing to surrender myself to the heat on the lake
i eyed something fun to do...
time to bully that cutesy guinea pig!

well, i'm the forever bully
little kids, i won't stop till you cry
and animals, until i had enough of your googly eyes

at least i let you to run off freely on the grass you love to eat
me? no, i don't eat grass thank you (:

hehe, bet you can't jump off that bench now

swing swing swing!!
i think you feared this most!
*evil me!*

off into an aquarium
now Bugsy can go snorkeling^^

ever seen a guinea pig on a skateboard?
well, here's one!

and she even have her own car
yup, it's a she (:
go vroom vroom!

Aeris ER.
Cute animal bully *but with love!*
Maimunah musolla

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Play-hood Friends

i grew up with them
played with them in the evening
went to the same kindergarten
and went to school together

we grew up together
stayed in the first class together
makes memories together
and shared jokes together

so when i had to left unwillingly
i was so so sad
i just left
and never get to say goodbye

i keep in touch with a couple some
but later as we became teenager
we grew apart
and officially loss connection

but when i suddenly found our class picture
with all of you there
talking where did i go
i can't help feeling like crying

i love you guys
and those i can't remember i'm sorry
i'll sure come to your weddings
if i get your invitation

i love them to the heart!

Aeris ER.
missing the days
in seksyen 24