Sunday, February 16, 2014

When he walk away

A girl wearing a lovely red trench coat walk out from the hotel, a black Gucci handbag strap on her arm as her fingers busy typing something into her smart phone. She glance up, her lip neatly done with a bright red Chanel, her face pale, probably searching for something behind that Versace sun-glass.

A man walk towards her, giving a peck at her right cheek. She wasn't smiling, and it seems that she just stare at the man. The man starts to babble something as he tries to hold her hand. She quickly walk away, keeping her hands away from his grip. She starts to walk towards a limousine with the driver already waiting to open the door for her. The man walk with her and only look as she went inside the limousine. The driver close the door gently, get into the driver seat and drove away.

The man just stare at the limousine drove away, bringing the woman he love to the airport. Their story has reach it's end, and he's not trying to save it anymore.

He loves her, a lot, so much that he don't think he'll ever forget about her. But the amount of patience and energy he needed to make her stay with him, has now reach it's limit. They say let her go if she'll be happier that way, that you'll be happy watching her happy. He hopes so.

The man turn around and walk towards the direction he came, not realizing the limousine stop before the main road, and inside, the woman was watching him walk away, and tears streaked her pale face.

Aeris ER.
my garden room
obviously crazy and spinning

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Internal Medicine Post-mortem

I was relieved that i got a dengue case but at the same time i know i'm dead because i didn't read about infection. Only listened to what investigation to be done to confirm dengue, listed by Azi as i drive just that morning, shivering with fear of the deadly exam.

I got a great patient, very helpful and kind. And i think i got everything well for her history. Until Dr Nik Noon came. She took a patient's table and told me to find a chair. Doctor was already sitting and told me to sit down and take the other side of the table. She's so nice.

And then she got mad, haha. She said the way i present was so scattered and said "Tu la, kelas aku kau tak datang". And i'm here trying to calm down my palpitation and whisper in my heart, "saya datang la doktor T_T". Anyway, i still think doctor is very very kind. Sorry doctor for not reading such a common case. Okay, my fault, i admit.

Anyway, the atmosphere while waiting outside the ward, some waiting for short case, some already done, some looking for their examiners. There were too many reactions, crying, trying to hug and kiss the wall, banging their head, drop dead on the floor, heads between their knee and just standing there waiting, face grey with sorrow.

My short case wasn't any better. His liver was enlarged, and later found out he had pitting edema. And instead of liver pathology, he had nephrotic syndrome? This is so fun, plus the fact i forget the one thing to complete the triad.

At the end of the exam, they start to say, "Galak lagi nak blajaq medic!". Hahaha, that is like playing in everyone's mind. Each of us wants to finish this, and yet  the journey is so tiring and often gets too unbearable.

But at the end of the day, everyone still wants to get up and fight. We've started this war, and we are not going back until it's done. Hopefully.

ready or not....
i'm going to see kiddies after this ^^

After i left the gloomy exam day at the hospital, I rush to Taman Gelora to meet my family after went back and packed my stuff. My aunt just said i'm still blanked and not over the past exam mood yet, stating me couldn't even smile. I love my aunt, she can be a best friend beside being a mother :)

And my sweet friend Qistina, gave this song to me, Rescue by Yuna. Thank you Qistina, you always know there's something wrong whenever you hear weird noise from my compartment, hahaha.

She said a little prayer, she found herself.
Yeah she's got light in her face,
she don't need no rescuing she's okay.
Yeah, she's got life in her veins,
she don't need no rescuing she's okay.
No SOS needed, no rescuing, she's fine out there.

in my lonely room in Kulim
don't understand myself

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Latte and scones

the breezy wind is attempting to make my scarf fly
bees are buzzing around looking for flowers to suck on their sweetness
lovers are walking around holding each others hand smiling
guess it's a great day, and the weather is perfect

i make sure my scarf is still intact as i look around the cafe sipping my latte
my attention was captured by an elderly couple sitting near the entrance
they were smiling at each other, enjoying their tea with scones and cream and jam
i look at them and wonder how can they be so happy

they had a challenging life
their first born had a rare illness and only lived for 4 months
their second and third child killed by a murderer at a camp site
they've separated, because they can't stand to watch each other
and be reminded of their babies no longer there
the old lady is now fighting her life after being told she had cancer
yet now, they stay together, side by side, smiling

they look so happy
as if nothing bad had ever happen to them

they've cried, and they've mourned
and now they move on with their life
enjoy what's left of what they had
holding each others hand, smiling
because they still have each other

because a happy life
is like when having scones for tea (:

Aeris ER.
staff room, Pediatric ward, HTAA

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

That Complicated Relationship

"when we don't get what we want,
we search and wonder why we don't have it.
and when we have something,
we wonder why god gave us"

I have a 'friend' that i'm really close with. Some people expect us as a couple even though we are just some really close friend. Our relationship is something i seriously adore as i realized i won't have another relationship as such. *perhaps because we are bonded by blood?*

We don't text frequently as in every day but we can text each other at any time about anything. Like absolutely anything. When you get happy, excited, sad, mad or wanting to perform suicide, anytime, we can text each other about it, and we help each other to just forget, or laugh about it.

We can even talk about stupid things, or random things. Just things you wan't to share or laugh with. Just text each other, and we're good.

We talked about life a lot. How life is unfair to us, living in a life that has been planned by our parents and we are supposed to live it. How people around us act selfishly and we the kind people gets victimized. It's a cruel world out there. He fights or use them back, i have my migraines.

Anyway the think is, that made me think is complicated is that, i wonder if things between us will change one day when we each have the special someone. We  are so used to each other that i'm afraid i'll be worrying no one can understands him.

I get mad at him a lot! He just gets into trouble easily, not forgetting perhaps he may be creating some of it. He's just difficult for me to take sometimes, and whenever those times comes, i hide my phone under the pillow, so i won't curse and slash at him. Because seriously, sometimes, he just deserve it.

Even if i get mad at you a lot, burden you with ridiculous story of my life, where you'll wish you can just roll your eyes every time, you were always there to listen to anything i wanted to say, you will always get it what i want to tell and there might be no other person who can understand me as well as you. So even though you act like shit sometimes, i loves you, dearly and absolutely (:

Aeris ER.
finishing some moment drafted
Maimunah musolla

My Bugsy^^

when almost everybody left the house and went to the lake to canoe
and i'm at home refusing to surrender myself to the heat on the lake
i eyed something fun to do...
time to bully that cutesy guinea pig!

well, i'm the forever bully
little kids, i won't stop till you cry
and animals, until i had enough of your googly eyes

at least i let you to run off freely on the grass you love to eat
me? no, i don't eat grass thank you (:

hehe, bet you can't jump off that bench now

swing swing swing!!
i think you feared this most!
*evil me!*

off into an aquarium
now Bugsy can go snorkeling^^

ever seen a guinea pig on a skateboard?
well, here's one!

and she even have her own car
yup, it's a she (:
go vroom vroom!

Aeris ER.
Cute animal bully *but with love!*
Maimunah musolla